What is love? Baby don’t hurt me.

Feeling unwanted is probably one of the hardest feelings to have to deal with. Loneliness is a killer. Literally. 

Then having the need to be independent and free makes it really difficult to accept love and a relationship. So is it truly about being unwanted, or is it about not accepting the love that is offered?

I feel like my whole life is this cycle of wanting a relationship, a guy coming along, giving it a try, freaking out because of my need for freedom and adventure and then dealing with loneliness and feeling unwanted, when in reality it’s just because I push them away, not because I’m unwanted. 

Trying to figure out how to go about ending this cycle. I am learning. I’m figuring myself out. Who says you can’t have love, a good relationship, adventure and independence at the same time? Just have to find the person with the same vibe, I guess?

Where are you, love?

 

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2 thoughts on “What is love? Baby don’t hurt me.

  1. You and I are so much alike it is nearly frightening, the only difference being our astrological signs. I was tormented with these very same thoughts when I was in my twenties, and it did not go away just because I got married. I’ve been married 18 years, but it has been a very long road of self-discovery and understanding that I simply cannot conform to the world’s template of what a relationship should look like.”Traditional” just doesn’t cut it, and once I (we) were able to say this is who I am and that’s okay, life found it’s groove. We haven’t worn wedding rings in at least a decade, and our relationship parameters have been set and refined to what works for us individually and as a unit. But, you have to establish your personal parameters first, learn to be okay with what that looks like (because it is who you are), then present it when entering a relationship. If, for example, diamonds aren’t your thing and you’d rather wear a necklace or other significant piece of jewelry, say that. If you know you don’t want to own a house, only rent, because you want to travel often, say it up front. Even if you never travel, but don’t want the feeling of being tied down by a mortgage, make that part of your list. If you know there may come a time when you may want a girlfriend as well as a husband because you know you’re bisexual, put that on the table. Whatever…open relationships are a thing. Learn to say, “this is who I am, and it’s okay.” It’s empowering when you do that and, I think, strengthens any relationship because there is no mask.

    Loneliness is a bitch. I know it well and hate that you have to feel it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re right. We are incredibly alike and honestly, I’m so thankful for that! Haha. It makes me feel like I’m not alone in how I think and feel and that I don’t have to fit into this “normal” mold. I love that you’re in a marriage where you guys can be so open and accepting of one another, even though I’m sure it’s not always easy. I am definitely learning to accept who I am and to be okay with the fact that I don’t have to live this “traditional” lifestyle. I’m so happy that at Thanksgiving and Christmas time I no longer get asked “is there a man in your life?” “Why not? You’re a pretty girl…don’t worry, the right guy will come along.” Eventually they gave up! Hahaha. It always made me feel really insecure until about a year ago when I realized that I’m a whole person as I am. I don’t have to have a man to complete me. I don’t have a “missing piece” out of my life’s puzzle. Do I want a relationship? Sure do. But I can’t settle for normal and that’s just how it is. I was telling my mom that yesterday, actually. It’s been nice being able to talk to her about all of this without judgment. Even though I know my mom loves me and accepts it, it’s still never easy to tell your mom that you’d rather have the “benefits” of a relationship without being in a “normal” relationship. At least for now. I’m going at my own pace, and that’s okay. This is my life’s journey, and if people don’t understand, that doesn’t make it wrong.
      Thanks for writing! Sometimes I feel as if I’m getting advice from a future me that’s how connected we are! Haha.
      I love you and am thankful for you!

      Liked by 1 person

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