I’ve decided to write a bit throughout Mars Retrograde about the impact that it has on my life. Ugh it lasts until June 29th. (Started on April 17th). I never knew anything about Mars Retrograde until this year.
When a planet is in retrograde, it appears to have slowed down and looks like it’s going backwards (it’s not actually going backwards, though). Mars is full of our passions, what motivates us, intense emotions, sexuality, our energy and our determination. During this retrograde, it is very important to turn inward and examine what it is that moves you! What are your intentions and your motivations? What is it that you are truly passionate about? What are your dreams and are you pursuing them? Some conflicts may possibly arise for some people and projects may move slowly.
A planet in retrograde may influence our lives, but we do have free will and it is up to us how we react and what we are willing to do to push through. Everyone may be impacted differently, but this is overall a time of reflection and evaluation.
It just began last Sunday, but I’m already feeling it pretty strong. I’ve been very overwhelmed at times this week.
Perhaps I am feeling so overwhelmed because I have been extremely busy…I started working for the company called It Works and I have spoken with so many people this week about becoming customers, and so far I already have several. I also recently began working very part time with a financial group. It’s great because it’s not stressful work and it doesn’t take a lot of time at all; however, because I’m just now getting started with it all, it’s a bit more work than it eventually will be so I’m exhausted. It’s been exciting. It’s been fun. But I’m tired.
Emotions are so strong right now, but not necessarily my own emotions, but I’m feeling other’s emotions strongly as well. It’s as if I know what a person is needing to talk about, or the things they are trying to hide or whatever it may be, and I’m finding myself being very open and just saying what I think and what I know that people need to hear. This is also overwhelming for this INFJ Virgo. Goodness. The spiritual connection is so intense.
For example, on Tuesday nights I go to this Bible study that my friend Todd leads…interesting group, really. Definitely not the typical Bible study you think of…ANYWAYS (come on, brain, focus!)…and afterwards, I asked Jane, if she would like to go get frozen yogurt. So we’re out there and we start talking about family and spirituality and well, she’s clearly been upset about the way things are spiritually with herself and all of her friends (including me), so I asked her how she feels about all of it, because she was obviously needing to talk about it. Then our conversation turned toward “feelings.” Recently, she’s pointed out negative things that are going on, either inwardly or outwardly, and kind of sarcastically (but for real) claiming she’s doing well practicing “radical acceptance.” Being a counseling student, I don’t like this. She claims that feelings are just chemical reactions in the brain, so they aren’t real. So she ignores those feelings and tries to just accept…everything…So Tuesday night we shifted our talk just a little bit to this. The reason she has been ignoring her feelings and just “accepting” everything is to protect herself and not have to deal with the issues that are clearly bothering her. After explaining to her that it is important that she acknowledge these feelings, she said, “but why? To what end? What is the point?” She was definitely coming off more emotional than I have seen recently. I told her that she isn’t dealing with the problems by ignoring her feelings…she’s pushing them down and they’re just stacking up until one day she’s too full and they begin to pour out of her all at once.
It ended up being a fantastic, but also frustrating (for her) conversation. As she was getting ready to get out of the car, she said, “I thought we were going to talk about something that has to do with you. I didn’t know we were going to talk about all this. Fuck you, bitch. Now I have to deal with this shit.” I laughed and told her I had zero intentions of talking about anything at all, this just happened organically.
Yesterday, I received this text from her:
Jane: I’m doing great!! I’ve been practicing radical acceptance with is awesome because–
Rae (interrupting): You know that means acknowledging and processing the pain, not just dismissing it, right?
Jane: -_- never mind.
(biggest thing she has been having a hard time with is the spiritual state of herself and the rest of us). She claimed, “we were all going to be in ministry together. I still would have done that. I’d still like to do that. But now I’m alone.” This is difficult for me. I don’t know what I believe about things when it comes to Spirituality right now. I believe in God and I love Him, but I cannot be forced to make some quick decisions about what I believe and what I’m going to do about it. I’m never going to be that girl I was before. And I don’t want to be. I reminded her that life has taken us down all kinds of roads and this is where we are right now. We can’t go back to where we were and that we don’t need to because it was full of ignorance. She agreed, but is just frustrated because she doesn’t know where to go from here. None of us do, though.
I’m needing to introvert so hard right now. Also, I kind of feel like cutting all relationships with any of the guys off, (David and Andrew), for a little bit. I think that’s just what I’m going to have to do. Sorry guys. I’ll be back around…but I just can’t handle the games and the frustration…especially because I am feeling everything so intensely right now.
I wish I would stop saying “feel” or “feeling,” but I guess that’s just how it is for me right now. I’m feeling everything in a different and stronger way than usual. I can’t even blame it on hormones. Last night I went to hear my brother play music. He sang a song he wrote about a friend who died several years back, but almost two years ago his best friend committed suicide, so he added in verses about him. He could barely get some of the words out and I could see he was struggling not to cry. I felt his emotions SO intensely and could barely hold back my own tears. This keeps happening. I’m doing ok with it, though. The intensity only lasts for a very short period.
This is going to be a long retrograde season. Not only is Mars in retrograde until June 29th, but Mercury (our planet that represents communication) will be in retrograde from April 28th-(I believe until May 22?). This is not a great time to start anything new, sign contracts, even traveling can be disrupted. Miscommunications at work, or anywhere, really, are apt to happen. Technology/electronics can mess up as well during this time. Not everything goes wrong during Mercury retrograde, some things can work out great for you! Just keep your eyes peeled. Pluto is also in retrograde until late September. Pluto is all about transformation, this “out with the old, in with the new” mentality. Pluto is about probing deeper into ourselves, even into our darkness. So not only are we being forced to reflect on our lives, dreams, passions, emotions, sexuality, etc. that Mars brings, we are also being urged with Pluto’s retrograde to tap into our psyche and move forward in our lives and to get in touch with our subconscious. NOT ONLY THIS, but Saturn has been in retrograde since March 25th and will be in retrograde until August 13th. During this retrograde, it is important to evaluate your plans and be patient because things may slow down and you may have to work extra hard during this time period.
You guys. Hang in there. Even though things could be intense at times, this is such a beautiful time of reflection and self-evaluation. There is a lot to learn about yourself and what you want out of life. I actually wasn’t aware that Pluto and Saturn were currently in retrograde until just now…makes sense with what I have written about…being exhausted by starting two new jobs…the conversations with Jane about our old spiritual ways and trying to figure out where to go from here…goodness. Suddenly, things seem to make a bit more sense.