I went back and read over my post What’s on your mind? and it made me kind of contemplate how I act in social situations. Now…this is all dependent on the group of people I am with and my mood. Sometimes I really have no idea what to expect out of myself, to be honest…(I hate saying that, “to be honest,” as if I’m not usually honest. But I say it anyways)…I wrote in that post about how cool it would be to have everyone write their thoughts down all day long…be completely raw-leaving nothing out. I also mentioned the fact that I am a bit shy and in big groups I often take in more than I put out there. I’m very observational of people. But is this kind of selfish? I sit there-listening-taking it all in, thinking things that I could be saying out loud. I’m letting everyone else be vulnerable and not allowing myself to be vulnerable as well…
…Mind flew off for a minute…I need to be taking a quiz right now, but if my mind is flying off while I’m just randomly writing my thoughts, should I REALLY be taking a quiz right now?…Probably will anyways.
…So is it selfish to keep my thoughts to myself? To just sit there, smile, laugh, make tiny comments here and there? Is it fair to just let everyone else fill me with their wisdom, insight, snarkiness, funny stories, etc.? Unless I’m not sober…then I just tend to let things fly out my mouth like my mama didn’t teach me manners…Sometimes. A few people have asked if I want to be a substance abuse counselor (there’s usually a hint of sarcasm behind the question) but I just say, “Probably not. I already have the substance abuse part covered myself.”
I seriously cannot even stay on track with this post. What’s my quiz even on?
Well…I really had some good thoughts in my head when I started this post, but I’m struggling right now. I like to leave my random ADHD moments in my posts at times because it’s just a peek into what it’s like to have the disorder.
So, anyways, I guess my point is that I realized while reading over my last post about being open and vulnerable with each other that it’s something I really want to work on. I think I have some good thoughts, and ideas to share with the world, so why not just share them? Sure-I’ll say some stupid shit and embarrass myself as well, but at least I’ll be sharing myself with them. I’m a lot better about this and make an effort already, but there are still plenty of times that I hold things in that could really add to the conversation. I guess, I just don’t like fighting to be heard, and sometimes in group settings, it’s as if you have to fight to say something.
You know what the worst thing is though? When you’re at a party and some random dude says to you, loudly and probably drunkenly, in front of everyone, “WHY ARE YOU SO QUIET?” … No. Stop that. Last time this happened though I was at some of my hippie loves house and one of the guys said to the guy that said it, “She’s not! She’s outgoing.” It’s still so surprising every time I hear someone say something like “You’re really extroverted now,” or “she’s really outgoing,” or whatever else people say sometimes.
I guess I’m better about being open than I used to be…Not when comes to certain things…like talking to a boy about how you feel about him….sleep with him? NBD! Talk to him? Nope. Too hard.
Don’t be afraid to be open with people. Go ahead, embarrass yourself a little bit. Laugh. Cry. Speak wisdom. Share yourself with the world.
Guess I’ll take this quiz now…we’ll see how this turns out.