Beginnings and Endings

**I’ve written about both David and Andrew several times throughout the blog. If you are new and have not read any of those posts, here are a few for back story: Hookup CultureFate with a TwistWalk of ShameHow I kicked Anxiety and Depression in the Ass., and Dysfunctional Friend-Families, Hippie Loves and Hookups.**

This weekend I had intended to go to a local bar to see a friend’s band play. I had been looking forward to going for a couple weeks now. I found out that David’s brother was going to be there and he said “we’ll be there!” I wasn’t sure if this meant David would be out there or not. I’ve been horny af this week, I won’t lie. So I knew if I went out there, he was out there and was in fact not dating Stephanie, it was going to be trouble.

I couldn’t find anyone to go with me and I didn’t want to go alone, but I texted Andrew to see if he would go with me. But our group of friends were planning to get together and he said he was making a jug of some really strong drink and was taking it to our friend’s house and would love it if I would get fucked up with him. So I said we should chill there for a bit and then go to the Pub and then go do something else and just party all night. However, our friend’s didn’t end up getting back to their house until after 10, so it would have sucked to have only chilled with them for like, maybe 30 min? So we just stayed there and hung out until around 1 am. Then everyone was leaving or going to bed, so Andrew and I were texting people, trying to find something to do…finally, I got ahold of my hippie friend Louis. Now…Louis is a story in himself, which I will have to tell eventually… So we end up going to Louis and his roommate’s house and just smoked, played drinking games and walked on the beach until after 4 am. Andrew and I headed out and he asked if I wanted to go back to my car, or crash at our friend’s house (where my car was and I have a key to their house, so I could have slept on their couch), or if I wanted to stay at his house. I didn’t want to drive home because I wasn’t quite sober and I was super tired since it was about 4:30 at this point, but I didn’t want to go sleep on the uncomfortable couch at my friend’s house either. So I chose to stay with him. I’d never been to his house, but I knew he lived with his uncle and grandpa, but I’ve never met them before. I was a bit nervous about some men I don’t know coming in and finding me asleep on their couch. Thankfully, Andrew offered for me to sleep in his bed, as long as I promised not to try to rape him hah…so we went in there, he gave me a pair of his shorts and left the room so I could change. He came back and climbed into bed, giving me a pillow and I laid down and he covered me up and we cuddled until we fell asleep.

It was nice and helped me to not feel so shitty about not seeing David, or the fact that I need to give up on David, which I finally accepted as of yesterday.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but physical touch can help heal you emotionally! Isn’t that amazing?! It eases anxiety and depression. If you hug/cuddle with someone for 20 seconds or more, your bodies both release chemicals in your brain that people call “bonding chemicals,” because it helps you to bond to someone, all while helping you with anxiety and depression! How crazy is it that we can literally help to heal each other through physical touch. Incredible. The brain amazes me. 

Anyways, so I went out with my brother’s gf on Saturday night, and she confirmed that David is definitely back with Stephanie now. So I’m done. I finally feel closure and no longer want to speak with or hookup with David. Not in a ugly way or anything, I just finally have peace with it and am not worried about it. If something happens later on, then we’ll see where we are in life. But for right now, I’m not going to waste anymore time worrying about him. I’m ready and open for something to happen with someone else or meeting someone new. I can’t be hung up on someone who seems like he doesn’t give two shits about me at this point. 

It’s weird to think about the fact that I always heard “It’s not time yet,” and also heard that if I hooked up with him that would be it. “Hookup with him now or date them later.” Those were my options, and I chose to hookup with him because I just couldn’t wait anymore. That doesn’t mean nothing is possible for the future, but for now this is where we are and where we will stay. So this is the end of the chapter of the story of me and David. Perhaps there will be a new chapter later on, but for now this is the end. 

I’m ready for a new beginning.

I really think Andrew has been in my life for a reason. I don’t mean for it to sound like I take his friendship for granted or only have him in my life for specific purposes. I love him dearly and I’m thankful for his friendship. I definitely do feel like there is a reason he became a part of my life. He’s helped me in some big areas in my life without even realizing it, I think. I thank God for him and for the other people like him that have really helped me see the world in a different way.

There are endings and there are beginnings. Some endings or beginnings come to help guide us in the right directions, and some to teach us new lessons. Sometimes these endings or beginnings come to add new scars and sometimes they come to help us heal. Try to recognize when it is time to end and when it is time to begin. 

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