He also told our friends that I initiated everything, which isn’t true.
He very intentionally told me “I’m so drunk right now” before anything happened. And then again in the morning, “I was so drunk last night, then I was not drunk, then when we got back here I felt drunk again.”
I asked Meg how drunk did he seem and she said, “not very drunk, honestly.” I remember him constantly leaving his drink with me and wondering off. I saw him take two shots throughout the entire night and drink some of the drinks he kept leaving with me.
I thought about writing him today to call him out on lying to our friends about what happened. Then I realized that he knew they would tell me. As I’ve talked about before, with this group of friends, there are literally no secrets. He doesn’t give a shit.
I know that I wanted to sleep with him, so I don’t view it as rape. However, I think, because of the whole, “she was too drunk to give consent” thing, he is a little bit worried that it could appear that way. Thus the whole, “I’m so drunk…I was so drunk…She initiated things…” bullshit.
What sucks the most about this situation is I believed he was truly a friend. I was fooled by a bipolar sociopath…not that I can say that’s what he was for sure, but it sure feels/appears that way (there are many other reasons that I base that on, not just this situation).
At my birthday party last year, I was drunk and he was sober, and he tried to pressure me into doing something sexual. Until my friend Todd pointed out to him that he seemed to be trying to force me into it. He was so offended and left.
It wasn’t rape in my mind because I did want to do it, but that’s definitely not the time or the way I would have wanted that to happen, and I was too drunk to really think straight. I had brought protection with me because I thought it could possibly happen, but I didn’t think about it at all when we did it. My mind wasn’t clear. I was drunk to the pointed I got us kicked out of a bar. I was drunk to the point that I didn’t know what was going on at times. He knew that. So, even though I don’t view it as rape, I think he is worried that I could. Why else would it seem that he is trying to cover his ass?
I’m just thankful that he’s randomly and quickly skipping town without even really telling anyone. I never want to see him or talk to him again.
I guess I’ve learned a pretty big and unfortunate lesson this time.