Some synonyms for embarrassing are: shaming, humiliating and mortifying.
Unfortunately, so many sexual assault victims end up being the ones who are left feeling embarrassed-shamed-humiliated.
You know why? Because of statements like: “She was drunk. What did she expect to happen?” “You need to start making better choices.” “Maybe if she hadn’t been dressed like that, it wouldn’t have happened.” “If you keep making dangerous and impulsive decisions, you have to deal with the consequences.” These statements and many others like them. They put the blame on the victim.
The other day I said to a friend that I felt so shitty about myself and that if I hadn’t gotten so drunk my situation would be so different. She said it was good I was taking some of the responsibility for it…
But then I really thought about it and…No-I don’t care if I was drunk or not. That doesn’t make any of this my fault. Sure, I need to be more careful and not allow myself to get out of control/need to know my limits better. However, just because I made a mistake doesn’t mean I deserved all this shit. I didn’t deserve being taken advantage of by someone I trusted. I don’t deserve to be this embarrassed and ashamed and humiliated. He didn’t have to tell all of the things he did to our friends-No. I do not deserve this.
As much as I want to be like, “Yeah! I don’t deserve this, so fuck you!” and move on…how the Hell do I do that? He’s off in a new city (one that I absolutely love and have wanted to move to myself…son of a bitch)…started a new job and new life. Got out of this horrible area (which I only love because of my friends and family being here). He gets to meet a new bitch, then another bitch, then another bitch…fucking anyone and everyone.
Maybe I’m feeling a bit angry today.
Stop putting the blame on the victims.
Don’t tell them they are partially to blame because of their bad decisions. Sure, they could make better decisions and this is a chance to learn, but damn it, no one deserves this shit, ok?
Why do I still want to talk to him?