My mom and I were talking about Narcissism and Anti-Social Personality Disorder (Sociopathy/Psychopathy) and while reading the DSM 5 criteria for the disorders and various articles on the subject, my mom and I were discussing the people in our lives who could possibly fit these descriptions.
It’s interesting to me just how magnetic these people tend to be. The brilliance behind their madness is astounding.
I know I’ve talked about it in an earlier post, but I’m pretty convinced Andrew either does a great job trying to portray himself as one in order “to not appear too human” (<–actual words he said to me one time when showing that he actually might slightly care about other human beings), or he’s a straight up psychopath. To be honest…it’s a little too real how much he fits the description.
There were a few things that stuck out to be most from several different articles on psychopathfree.com:
“After once showering you with nonstop attention and admiration, they suddenly seem completely bored by you. They treat you with silence and become very annoyed that you’re interested in continuing the passionate relationship that they created. You begin to feel like a chore to them.”
“Psychopaths have an intense emotional & sexual bond over their victims. This is due to their sexual magnetism, and the way they train your mind to become reliant upon their approval.
By first adoring you in every way, you let down your guard and began to place your self worth in this person. Your happiness started to rely on this person’s opinion on you. Happiness is a chemical reaction going off in your brain – dopamine and receptors firing off to make you feel good.
Like a drug, the psychopath offers you this feeling in full force to begin with. But once you become reliant on it, they begin to pull back. Slowly, you need more and more to feel that same high. You do everything you can to hang onto it, while they are doing everything in their power to keep you just barely starved.”
“You begin to place your self-esteem into their words, because they are so reliably positive. You can actually feel yourself glowing. Your body goes through changes as your confidence rises with their every word. You spend more and more time improving your appearance to keep them impressed.”
“Don’t be fooled by this idea that charm must be confident or arrogant. A psychopath’s charm is specifically suited to their target. Sure, some people respond well to flattery and gifts. But others might have a softer spot for the sympathetic, shy routine. Psychopaths are experts at making their chosen target feel “special”. Whichever persona they choose, on thing is certain: it’s not authentic. Psychopaths are shape-shifting chameleons who constantly rearrange their personalities depending on your individual needs.”
“Psychopaths lie constantly, even when the truth would be a better story—even when there’s absolutely no reason to lie. They are so used to shifting personas and stories that lying becomes the default mode for them. If you ever question these lies (even if you have proof), they will promptly turn it back around on you for being paranoid and over-analyzing everything.”
“When a psychopath enters your life, you’ll notice an intense and ever-increasing sense of dread and self-doubt. Your brain will struggle to reconcile the “perfect” person from the beginning, with the inappropriate behavior you’re starting to see more regularly. That’s because that perfect person never actually existed. It was a persona, created just for you. This is the hardest thing for our minds and hearts to understand.”
I couldn’t possibly describe Andrew any better. My friends and I have always discussed the possibility of him being a sociopath. It’s even been said to his face. I’ve asked him random questions here and there–testing him, but if he’s actually a socio/psychopath–he’s too smart for that.
I remember after finding out about the lies he told about me, saying, “well, the truth is actually more embarrassing, so at least now I can just deny that this is true and not worry about them knowing the actual-embarrassing-truth.” And Jane said, “there was no reason for him to lie. There was no reason for him to bring all of this up-he wasn’t even provoked.” It’s true…I did nothing to hurt him or make him mad…the guys had no idea, so it’s not like they brought it up.
I wrote out messages that I wanted to send him so many times, from simple things like, “thanks for talking shit about me to our friends,” to long, in-depth messages, packed full of all of my feelings. None of which I sent, btw. because…after talking with Jane for hours after finding out what all he said–it hit me…he knew the guys would tell me. This was intentional. He either 1. wanted a crazy, emotional response so that he could make me look like a crazy person or 2. wanted to completely push me away.
I also believe he invited me to the party that I went to the next weekend so that I saw him with that girl.
He’s smart. He’s intentional. But I see inside that dark and twisted brain of his.
That’s what freaks me out, actually. I can see it so clearly, but often choose to ignore it.
I told my mom tonight that there were times that I knew he was lying or being deceitful, but I would play along with it because it also fit in with my agenda. I haven’t said that to anyone. She was surprised by that and said that maybe I’m a bit dark and twisted, too. I won’t disagree with that–I am kind of a weirdo. I’m so very fascinated by people like him. I’m amazed at how people’s minds work. Even though I know it’s dangerous, I want to see more-I need to know what’s going to happen next.
Thankfully-he’s out of my life now…I certainly don’t need to get myself into some more shit situations with him.
Whenever we played Cards Against Humanity, he always ended up dying laughing and picking my cards…he was the only person I could always know 100% which cards would win with. Because whether he wants me to or not-I see inside that dark mind.
Sometimes he would say things that would typically get a “I’m shocked” reaction from people, but I made sure to keep my poker face. I let him do his thing. I let him put his crazy out there in the open and I’m not 100% sure why…I guess, curiosity. I also don’t like to react because I think that would expose the things that bother me or make me angry or gross me out or…whatever. It felt like if I showed a true reaction, I would be exposing weaknesses and giving him power.
I think that I learned this from growing up with my brother. I learned to not let him know what upset me-then he wasn’t able to use that to hurt me. Then I learned it some more with Todd…he was a real asshole to me for a few years and it was just bad…but I learned to not react because that only encouraged the behavior to continue…the group always laughs and is shocked sometimes at how much I don’t react. Todd literally set my hair on fire once and I just sighed and said, “ugh…Todd…” Jane said, “wow…this has happened too many times for that to be your reaction…” Haha…I’m not saying this is healthy, I’m just saying this is how I learned to deal with abusive people-to keep some power from them. The abusiveness will end much quicker if you don’t give them the reaction they’re looking for. I would suggest-more than to just take abuse and to learn to not react-that you just step away from a relationship where this happens because you’re worth more than that and you deserve to be treated better. Sometimes people are just so captivating to me that it’s hard to let go of them. I’m a “glutton for punishment” perhaps. Generally, I am able to recognize the abuse/that I’m worth more and I get away from all that. I’m not about just taking abuse…sometimes weird and twisted things fit into my agenda, though…so I stick around for a minute. However, just putting this out there–Todd eventually apologized-sincerely and has completely changed how he is around me. He knows I won’t take that shit at this point. No overreactions…I just leave and don’t come back. So…keep your power. Know your worth.
In my last post I talked about being an INFJ/INFP. One thing I find interesting about the INFJ personality type is how I have seen our sense of humor described…seeing that we are generally very sensitive, caring, good-cause-fighting people , everyone expects innocent humor–but on the contrary…INFJs tend to have a bit of a crude and morbid sense of humor-though we don’t always show it. We can find humor in things that many cannot. I think that’s why I could understand what Andrew would find funny–I could see the humor even in something that was probably really inappropriate or whatever.
These personality types are known to be empaths–very intuitive–highly-sensitive people. We can’t help but to feel everything so deeply (that’s what she said haaaa…). We feel your energy as soon as we meet you. We very often recognize light and dark. And even though you may not know it (because we may not call you out on it unless we feel it needs to be done) we tend to see through the bullshit…even when we don’t want to and we try to ignore it ourselves.
Even though I could often see through the bullshit and the lies, I still trusted him because I wanted this person to be real. I was hesitant to believe him because in my gut…I knew he was bad news. But there was something that drew me to him. The danger? The fascination? The excitement? The fact that he’s very attractive and I enjoy flirting with him/want to fuck him? My desire to fix people? My curiosity? Maybe a bit of all of these things.
It makes sense with my studies being in psychology and the career I’m pursing for me to be fascinated and to get sucked into a dark mind too easily. It’s important to be aware of how dangerous some people or situations can become. Andrew showed his crazy to me on multiple occasions, but I still had this love and care for him that I didn’t quite understand. I saw good in him, even though it may not actually be there…I can’t say he’s for sure a psycho/sociopath…but I can definitely say that he does a good job acting like one if he isn’t. It’s just so fascinating…
…curiosity, ya know? That bitch killed the cat.