Enough With the Bullshit.

Where to begin…

Well, I don’t want to talk about this too much, but it’s something I need to get out.

Last week and the week before I was on vacation with family. The first week I was in Tennessee with a good portion of my mom’s side of the family. It was a great time and I’ll probably write some about it later. The next week, my mom and I went and stayed with my aunt and uncle in North Carolina. It was also a great time and I’ll share some more about it later, I’m sure.

But the part I need to get out is about the Friday of that second week. I spent the majority of the day alone with my aunt. We went shopping and had lunch together. We talked about so many different things and they were all great conversations about deep things and it was just overall a great time of connection and learning new things about each other and life in general. We ended up talking a good bit about Andrew, and she pointed out that, more than likely, I would need to be the one to address the situation because it seems like he’s not going to do it. I haven’t talked to him in a few weeks and we’d only talked once since he’s been gone and even then I had texted him first. I honestly didn’t expect to hear from him except maybe when he moved home, but even then I wasn’t sure what to expect…so I decide that I’ve got to “woman-up” and face him. I was going to channel my inner-bitch who could handle his shit and tell him what’s up and try to figure some things out.

Well, later that night, my aunt, uncle, mom and I head downtown for dinner and to go to a drum circle. At dinner, as I’m finishing up my second glass of chardonnay, I get a text from Andrew. I stared at it for a minute, then opened it up. It said, “Josh told me that you heard (blah blah blah). I never said that. Just so you know.”  I was shocked and showed it to my aunt.

What the fuck?

So I let it sit there for a while. Finished dinner, headed to the drum circle, spent some time with a friend who lives there and then when she left and my aunt and I were alone, I told her I hadn’t texted him back yet and that I didn’t know what to say. One of her suggestions was basically word for word what I had been contemplating saying, so I decided that was the one. No big response, just basically saying thanks for letting me know. Well, I didn’t expect to hear from him again, but apparently my response was not sufficient enough. When I woke up the next day I saw I had received another text at 3 am. He told me that he wasn’t sure where I had heard what, but he has in no way ever said anything bad about our experience and he wanted to make sure we’re cool. So I sent a bit more this time, telling him that I was told a whole lot of shit that I would rather have not been told whether it’s true he said any of it or not. I told him that it sucked to hear and didn’t make sense because I thought we were cool with each other. Then I thanked him for texting me and told him we’re cool.

I wasn’t really sure if I felt like we were “cool” or not, but I wasn’t about to go into a long and in-depth conversation about all this while I’m on vacation that has been so much fun and relaxing and just good for my soul and also I had no desire to have this conversation via text message. At least the ice has been broken and it will be easier to address in person.

There has been some really weird synchronicity with this situation though. First with the conversation with my aunt and then him texting me. Then, a couple days later I was wanting to talk to a friend about all this and we haven’t talked about him in probably a month, but out of the blue she asked “how are things with you and Andrew?” I had literally just a couple minutes before that been thinking about talking to her about it. Then, a couple days later some other people randomly brought him up. It’s just strange.

I got to thinking about it, though. At first, I didn’t believe at all that he hadn’t ever said anything bad about that experience. Why would my friend lie to me about this? What would the benefit of that be? What would his motivation for lying about that be? But…I remembered that I knew that friend was hiding something from me…I figured it was just that he wasn’t telling me everything Andrew said…I didn’t imagine that perhaps he was lying to me. Also, when he recanted the story to Josh in front of me, the details were slightly different. Generally, if a person is lying, they don’t quite keep up with the details. So…this had confused me a little bit, but I still didn’t believe that my friend would straight up lie to me about this, but he also made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal at all and that I was over-reacting, when the first time he was telling me all of this, he made it into a big deal and seemed emotional about it. It was just weird.

So…what if it wasn’t true all along?

I hung out with that friend this weekend and he was telling me about him and Andrew getting trashed on that same night that he texted me. Neither one of them could drive home, so they decided to walk home…at 2 something am and having to cross some busy streets. Apparently, Todd was incredibly drunk and fell in the middle of the street. Andrew was already across the street and noticed he had fallen, so he said “dude, you gotta get up, there are cars coming.” But Todd just laid there…he said, “nah, man. I’m just going to lay here.” So Andrew had to run over to him and pick him up off the ground and help him to the other side of the road. Btw…Todd is over 300 lbs…nearly double what Andrew weighs…basically Todd was going on about how Andrew pretty much saved his life.

Since he brought him up in conversation, I asked him whether he had told him that night to text me. At first he said no…then he eventually started telling me that they did talk about it. He said that he was listing off people they could invite to go out with them, so he said my name and Andrew said, “she probably won’t want to come out because I’m here…even though I don’t even know what I did.” So Todd then told him what all he supposedly said. Andrew said “I said those things? I don’t remember saying those things. Why would I?” So Todd just told him that he was really drunk and just doesn’t remember saying all of it. Then he said “you need to talk to her if you ever want to hang out at the same time,” so Andrew said, “yeah, I’m going to text her.” And he texted me right then.

I honestly have no idea what is true and what is not true, but it doesn’t matter at this point. I feel as if I have some closure. He either truly didn’t say those things, or he said some of those things and Todd twisted it around for some reason, or he was completely wasted and really doesn’t remember what he said that night.

But…whatever…I finally feel some relief and closure with all this shit.

Alright…enough with the bullshit hah…It’s just something I needed to get out since I’ve written quite a bit about it on this blog.

It’s pretty rare that I get drunk at all anymore…I don’t want to get into this type of situation ever again. I have also learned to be more careful with my trust.

You live, you learn and you laugh.  

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