Well, I finally have time/motivation/energy/internet in order to write new post!
Life has been so freaking crazy! It’s chilled out a lot now that we’re in September. The day after I wrote my last post we were under a new moon and I spent a lot of time outside at night…I finally felt like I could breathe again. The new moon got me out of my funk and I no longer feel stuck in depression. I feel happy and free again. Thank God…I needed that.
So that night I was out late with Todd and our friend Mike…catching Pokemon…I’ve known Mike since I was a kid, so Todd and I kind of grew up with him, but we didn’t actually get along with him back in high school-he was kind of a nerd-but not like, the cool kind of nerd…? Idk…he was just kind of annoying. Not that he isn’t anymore, we just choose to be friends with him because he’s a nice guy and we’re nicer people than we were in high school-but he’s pretty frustrating at times. It was a pretty good night though.
Andrew‘s back in town. I saw him for the first time on Sunday. I was freaking out, but I drank a bit in the house with Jane before going out to the garage to drink and play games with the guys. Once I got out there things were actually fine. We didn’t talk too much, but we did talk some and it was comfortable and felt a bit more like old times again. I’m thankful for that…I had to get that first time seeing each other thing out of the way because I had no idea what to expect since how we left things off…was pretty terrible…but since we talked about things and I know now that he either didn’t say the things that I was told he said, or he was so drunk that he truly doesn’t remember and actually feels a little bit shitty about it? Or just wants things to be cool/not awkward. Whatever. I’m just glad it’s not awkward.
Todd and our friend Lee stuck around for a little while and it was just us three chillin…we talked about me hooking up with Andrew and Lee said, “we flew a flag at half staff for you that day…” hahaha…Lee is the other guy in our group that is narcisstic…he tries to say he’s a sociopath, but he’s absolutely not. However, he doesn’t usually open up to people about things, and Sunday night he told me all kinds of things that he doesn’t tell people. It was really weird and awesome at the same time. But anyways…I’m glad that I’ve finally been able to talk to some of the guys about all that and it feels comfortable/him being back isn’t weird for anyone. Such a relief for this anxious over-thinking mind.
So Monday was CRAZY…I went to a cookout at Todd and Jane‘s house and, Andrew was hitting on me all night, and my friend Meg was there and she and Lee were hitting on each other…so Todd got crazy drunk even though I kept telling him he should cut it out. Our friend Mike said something super inappropriate about Jane and Todd threw a beer bottle at Mike‘s head and started to jump across the table which had a TON of alcohol and candles on it…I literally had to push the table down because it was tilting over under Todd‘s weight. They both ran outside and we were all freaking out because Todd could literally kill Mike. Andrew was outside when all of this started, so he didn’t see it happening…Mike ran inside and when he came back out I had to make him go home…he was seriously trying to come back into the garage. How do you not understand that your friend is drunk out of his mind and could literally kill you? Thankfully, he listened to me. I was so focused on keeping Todd and Mike and…well, everyone alive that I didn’t bother to text Jane, who was sitting on the couch inside to let her know what was happening…but there were three other people there who could have gone inside and told her, or texted her, but of course two of them don’t really care about other people and were slightly entertained and I was pretty much the only one focused on keeping people from dying that night…Meg did back me up some though, but she’s just now being introduced to this group of friends and was kind of in shock, so it’s understandable. But jeez lo-freaking-uise…at one point, when Todd thought Mike was still standing outside he had another broken beer can that he was ready to throw out the door…I was standing pretty close to the door and so was Meg…so Meg ducked down and Andrew told me not to duck down or move…that’s when I realized that Meg had ducked down and Todd had the bottle in his hand…so I took off running to the other side of the room-which made Andrew yell at me, “I told you not to move and you literally ran as soon as I said that!” I mean, why the hell did he want me to stand there? Did he actually want me to get hit by the bottle? Todd was drunk, which means he probably had bad aim and was out of his fucking mind…Idk why the hell Andrew expected me to listen to him and just stand there…I’m sure there was some kind of reason, but who knows what it was…I didn’t ask him why…the energy was just too intense.
The next day Todd called out of work because he was puking his guts up…I knew that he hadn’t cleaned the garage and that Jane would end up doing it by herself and not accept help from me…so I went over to the house and got Todd up off his couch and told him we needed to clean the garage. He agreed…then tried to get me to go get food…I said, “sure! after we clean…” So we went out to the garage and cleaned up the broken glass and the 500 bottles of beer, whiskey, scotch and vodka and some food that was still out there…I went inside and pretended to be doing something so that he would clean most of it himself…because he needed to. So when he came inside I started cleaning the kitchen and at first he started to help, but eventually ended up sitting down on the couch…I wasn’t having that. So I kept “giving him jobs…” what I mean by that is, I would ask him questions like, “hey, what do you use to clean the stove?” and he would go get the stuff to bring to me, but I continued to do the dishes, so he obviously couldn’t just say, “here, you can do this after you’re finished,” so he cleaned the stove…then, I said, “is the broom out in the garage the only broom?” So he went to get the broom, expecting to give it to me, but I continued to do the dishes, so he reluctantly began sweeping.
I’m sorry, but this was not the mess I created…I was not cleaning their house without him.
I don’t understand what the hell is happening to my friends. I’ve never had so much drama in my fucking life. 2016…can you just stop making people crazy?! I mean, I’m glad my personal shit seems to be getting better, but…being an empath, I’m still feeling other people’s shit too and they keep involving me in one way or another.
Life, man…what do you even do? I guess just ride it out and hope/help your people get their shit together.
Celebrating my birthday tomorrow and Saturday! I’m ready to party! I need a drink…or 50.
Because obviously alcohol fixes things…hah…