29! And Rape Culture?

This past Sunday was my 29th birthday! 27 and 28 were some wild rides-I’m looking forward to whatever 29 is going to bring!

I went out on Friday night and Saturday night with different groups of friends. Friday night I spent with my hippie loves and Saturday night a mix of many different friends.

Friday…not my best night, to be honest. 

I went into the night feeling off. I think it’s because I was sick to my stomach from accidentally eating beef the night before for the first time in 6 years. So I was just feeling kind of uncomfortable in general. I met up with my brother’s gf and one of our hippie girl friends and we got some Mexican food because I wanted to start my night with some Tequila. I took a shot and drank a huge ass Margarita. Afterwards, we headed over to a brewery where a pretty good band was playing. Lots of our hippie friends were out there…including DavidAnd his girlfriend. Pretty good start to the evening…-_-

When I first got into the brewery I saw her…my brother’s girlfriend went over to her and they hugged and said hey and she seemed really happy. Until she saw me. She wouldn’t look up at me-she just suddenly had a scowl on her face and began feverishly texting someone…cool. Happy birthday. 

I hesitantly walked over to where the band was playing and exchanged a quick hug with Davidwho was obviously, quite drunk. He walked to his girlfriend after our quick hug and then I noticed she left…but he stayed…and he came over and danced next to me and gave me another hug to tell me happy birthday. I felt like puking. So I hid in the bathroom for a while-kind of hoping I would actually puke…

Also, when you have a stomach ache-probably shouldn’t drink a shot of tequila, a huge ass margarita and then some IPA beer…it was not a good decision.

While in the bathroom, I texted Jane-who actually happened to be across the street eating dinner with Todd and Andrew. So Jane walked over to me and we walked across the street and I hung out with them until my hippie girls were ready to leave the brewery and head downtown…I just couldn’t stand next to him and have him hugging me and dancing and trying to talk to me…when his girlfriend-who was very happy before I got there-had just up and left because she was clearly upset that I was there. I had no idea they were dating when David and I hooked up, so it’s not my fault that she feels the way she does…but just my presence being something to make someone sad-really sucks. And he just stayed and enjoyed his night. Whatever…so I left and hung out with Jane, Todd and Andrew.

Once we got downtown, we went to a bar to see a Grateful Dead tribute band play…so, obviously, most of the hippies were there (David did not show up to this place though-thank God). The night was still just feeling off though…I got shots and drinks bought for me, which was nice, but I didn’t get to fully enjoy them because of my stomach hurting. After a little bit of time my “friend” Dan showed up. We’ve been friends for years now and he’s liked me for the majority of that time and I went out with him once-but I’m just not into him like that at all. I’ve always thought he was nice and easy to talk to though, so we’ve hung out quite a bit, but I often take time away from him because I don’t want him to get the wrong idea…well, this night-he seemed to have had enough of not getting what he wanted out of this “relationship.” He asked to get me a drink and shot and I hesitantly took both even though I told him several times that I was kind of feeling sick and wasn’t really feeling like drinking…but I did it anyways-because-29th birthday, right? 

I kept losing my hippie girls and getting stuck hanging out with Dan alone. He and several other guys wanted to leave that bar and head to another one to see our friend’s band play…but none of us could find the girls. I sat at the bar for a bit and Dan would not leave me alone about more alcohol. I decided to stop drinking at this point…especially because he was starting to get on my nerves about it. I was already drunk and he wasn’t. He then started asking me to leave with him…“We can go see our friend’s band play…” “We can go to the beach…” “We can go to my house…” “Please…let’s just go…we can go anywhere, just let me take you somewhere.” I told him “no” repeatedly and was getting tired of him asking. I told him I didn’t want to leave the girls because I came there with them. He then started telling me “we don’t have to tell them. we can just go. we don’t have to tell anyone…just leave with me.” At this point I began to feel uncomfortable. So I got up and went to search for the girls. I found them in the upstairs bathroom in a fight with some drunk bitch…so…let’s just say I got in my first bar fight…drunk bitches. 

I went back downstairs and Dan and I ended up sitting down in a booth and he again started asking me to drink. I told him that I really.did.not.want.to. He got up from the booth and came back a few minutes later with two “shots” for us. This was more like 5 shots, but he swore it was only one. I told him there was no way I could drink it. I finally took one sip of it so that he would leave me the fuck alone and then I went outside to find the girls…they are seriously some of the hardest bitches to keep up with…

After a little bit of time outside, Dan followed me out there. Then we all went back inside and he was putting our “shots” in to-go cups because, clearly, he was determined to get me to drink this shit. I asked David‘s brother Adam if he would help me out with this “shot” and he looked at it and said, “Uh…that is definitely not a shot…” but thankfully he did help me out and drink over half of it. All the while-Dan keeps saying weird things about how gorgeous and beautiful and blah blah blah I am…and just the way he was saying things and looking at me just made me want to run away from the bar and puke my guts up. It was really uncomfortable. He continued with the “please…let’s go somewhere…”bullshit. 

We finally all ended up back at my hippie friend’s house. I thought that maybe Dan would be satisfied because we at least went somewhere…maybe he would leave me alone now…at this point I was exhausted and very drunk…while at our friend’s house…somehow Dan and I ended up in the living room alone…all I wanted at this point was to go home. This night was mostly just a pain in the ass. 

Dan began begging me to leave with him again…he started telling me that he loved me more than anyone does. He also tried to convince me that I have “trusted him this far, so why wouldn’t I just leave with him?” He even began offering me various drugs…Fuck. No.

I was starting to fall asleep on my friend’s couch and I heard my brother’s gf and Dan talking and she said that maybe Dan could take her home and then he could just come back and get me after dropping her off. Oh…Hell…No...So I opened my eyes and let them know I was awake.

Around 3 am we finally left and Dan gave me a long-creepy-too-tight-hug.

The next day, I talked to Jane about all that had happened and she and Todd were pissed. They agreed that he was definitely trying to take advantage of me…trying to get me drunk…begging me to leave with him…telling me we didn’t have to tell anyone…trying multiple times to pressure me into things I didn’t want to do and not taking no as an answer…telling me he loved me more than anyone…trying to convince me that I could trust him…offering me drugs. It just wasn’t ok.

He knew I was going out Saturday night with other friends and said he might show up…I didn’t respond to him but just walked away from him. Jane and Todd told me that I needed to confront him. I needed to tell him that he made me uncomfortable. I needed to tell him that he was not respecting me and that I no longer want to hang out and did not want him to show up at the bar that night.

Jane said, “if you don’t, you are reinforcing rape culture and letting him get away with something he shouldn’t.” 

I knew she was right and as scared and uncomfortable as I was with that-I knew I had to do it. So I did…and he apologized and then began to explain himself, but honestly, I just don’t think he cared that much.

It’s so fucking frustrating to feel unsafe with people who you’re supposed to be able to trust. I’ve known Dan for years. There were a couple times he made me feel a tiny bit uncomfortable, but never to the point that I actually thought he was trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me…what the fuck

So…Friday night: saw David for the first time since March…his g/f got upset at the sight of me and left…I had a terrible stomach ache…got into a bar fight…and one of my “friends” tried to get me drunk in pursuit of taking advantage of me?…happy fucking birthday, ya know?

As scary as it may be to tell someone that they are making you uncomfortable, or that they need to respect you…say it. Call them on their shit. Don’t let people get away with their shady actions. Don’t allow your fear/uncomfortableness keep you from standing up for yourself. Rape culture is real. Call it out. You don’t have to do it alone, btw. Tell your friends/family…get your people behind you.

Anyways…on a positive note…

I was really hoping for a better night on Saturday…but I seriously almost cancelled on all of my friends because of how uncomfortable I was from the night before, but I stuck it out anyways and decided to forget about that shit and make the night a good one…and it was. It was one hell of a party. I danced for hours. drank lots of good drinks/shots and didn’t feel sick and I was with friends that I have literally known either since birth or high school…I knew I could trust them and I was able to relax. Overall…Saturday night was fucking amazing and one of the best birthday celebrations I’ve had in years. 

Also…you know that amaaaaazing Ska band I wrote about in recent posts?? (Like the post “Keep the Faith”). Well…the fucking lead singer posted a happy birthday video on my Facebook wall and we had a conversation/flirted a little bit…birthday…made…perfect. Yes, please, and thank you:)…that’s pretty fucking awesome. I told him I had been hoping for a spontaneous show that weekend and he said he was tooI said, “Well, my dancing feet are ready to pick it up! pick it up!” To which he replied, “Well, this just in. We have a show on October 15th! :D” Hell…yes….you better know that you can’t keep me away from that show! Haha…

Well, 29…let’s see what you’ve got in store! I’m ready for the next adventure. 

 

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