Hormones and Girl Codes.

Last Saturday night I went out with Meg, Todd, Andrew, all of the other guys and one of Meg‘s girl friends. We went to a local bar to see this local band play that we go see play all the time…like, every weekend…

I was feeling pretty down and frustrated when we were all leaving and vented to Meg some on the way to the bar. To be honest, I didn’t want to see or talk to Andrew. I felt fat and gross and lonely and the last thing I wanted was to want his attention and not get it because I felt like he would ignore me or something…I don’t know, I was dealing with a lot of irrational thoughts (I guess due to the PMDD that I am learning about and discussed in the last post?).

Anyways…so most of us piled into Meg‘s SUV and headed to the bar that’s about 20-30 minutes away. She turned on some angry music for me and we talked a little bit while Andrew sat in the very back and I had not made eye contact with him even once. I seriously just intended to ignore him all night…because that’s always a great idea

We got to the bar and checked out the band for a second and then us girls headed off to get some drinks, which is where we reconnected with the guys. Still not making eye contact with Andrew, he put his arm around me and said, “hey! they have jello shots for a dollar! I just bought 3…” So, of course I could no longer ignore him…I smiled and took my first jello shot, which I literally tasted zero alcohol in…

…that is never a good sign…because the alcohol is always in there…and when you don’t taste it, you think you can have like a million of them, which, first of all, costs a million dollars and then you’re suddenly black out drunk. This didn’t happen…it’s just what does happen sometimes…you know. 

Todd bought two pitchers of beer and we all drank our fair share. Meg then bought 6 jello shots because you could get 6 for $5…so…two jello shots down and one glass of beer thus far. My hormones aren’t getting in my way as much at this point and suddenly Andrew is beginning to look incredibly attractive again. Son of a bitch.

I still tried to ignore him a bit. Mostly because I could tell that he noticed, which then became a challenge for him. He kept periodically putting his arm around me and whispering something to me and I guess Meg noticed and at one point said, “sooo, Andrew?!” and nudged me. I smiled and rolled my eyes.

Us girls went and danced to the music while most of the guys sat at a table for a little bit, until Andrew and Todd joined us. Us girls stood in front of the band because the band complains if there are “too many dicks up front…” lol…so we usually get pushed up there. Because of still feeling a bit insecure I didn’t really feel like dancing up front, especially knowing Andrew was standing behind me…So…more alcohol! As I was walking past the guys, still avoiding eye contact at this point, Andrew held both of his hands out and I could see that fucking sexy smile on his face. So I smiled and turned my head away from him, but put my hands in his for a second then walked away.

I got a drink and came back to the dance floor…I guess this made two or three Jello shots and three drinks at this point…starting to feel a bit more relaxed. Eventually old drunk ladies were grabbing Andrew and another one of our friends and dancing with them, which was quite entertaining…half the time Andrew and I just smiled at each other and laughed while they were dancing. At one point the drunk lady and I made eye contact and for some reason she suddenly decided I was Andrew‘s girlfriend…she was drunk out of her mind and I could not begin to convince her otherwise. She said, “I am so sorry. I didn’t know you are his girlfriend. You dance with him. I am so sorry.” All the while I am laughing and telling her that I’m not his girlfriend and go right ahead and dance with him. It was as if I was talking to a brick wall that literally heard nothing I said. Andrew just had a smile on his face the whole time, so I guess it didn’t bother him to not longer have a drunk lady grinding on him. I leaned over to Meg and asked her if she heard what that lady was saying and she said, “yeah! I guess you guys just put off that vibe…” I’m not sure how…I would think that a girlfriend wouldn’t be smiling at her boyfriend and laughing as a drunk lady was doing some bumping and grinding on him…?

At one point Meg decided she absolutely needed to get laid that night because she had received the separation agreement from her husband and was feeling really unwanted and all that…so…she’s new to the group, but has already messed around with one of the guys and this night set her eyes on another one…so she was hitting on him pretty hard, but he kept smiling at me…but I took that as him smiling at me because he was excited about Meg…orrrr…I had no idea, but didn’t suspect it possibly being because he was feeling me that night, but he very obviously was not feeling her. In fact, he asked me to dance with him, to which I replied, “I think Meg wants to dance!” Much to my surprise he said he didn’t want to dance with her and then just stood there and talked to me. I tried to be sure to not be flirting with him or anything because I knew Meg was feeling super bummed and the last thing she needed was one of her best friends to be flirting and dancing with the guy she’s trying to hookup with…girl code…ya know? 

Todd, for some reason joked about Andrew sitting on his lap and said something about his balls…I don’t know…but Andrew turned to me and asked if he was talking about his balls and I said “yeah, I guess?” So he asked me if he said that he “liked them?” I replied, “mhmm…” and smiled. Then, trying to go back to being coy I said, “apparently…” and shrugged, which made him smile.

All throughout the night I danced with the girls and the whole time Andrew stared and smiled at me…he was starting to drive me crazy, and I’m pretty sure he knew it. I grabbed Meg‘s boob at one point because she was jokingly shaking them at me. This shocked her and made her crack up…Andrew definitely enjoyed it…I have to say all of the dancing and grabbing and whatever I was doing was for him…and it was obviously working

Andrew decided to take a group picture of all of us…and Meg‘s friend asked to see the picture…then accidentally ended up seeing a dick pic…sooo she freaked out and everyone asked why, so she announced that she saw his dick pic. I didn’t really respond, just smiled, so he leaned over and said, “I like how you’re just like ‘been there, done that…maybe I’d do it again…'” And waited for my reaction, I simply smiled really big and shrugged and looked away. Apparently he liked that response…after that we finally started dancing together…

All throughout the night Meg would dance with Andrew here and there and I would catch her looking at us and she clearly was feeling a bit jealous and was wanting to hookup with him since other friend wasn’t feeling her and left early. I gave her a look like, “bitch you better not.”

We all stepped outside on the deck over the beach. Meg laid her head on the table and sulked. Eventually saying, “I just want to get laid…” Clearly directed towards Andrew…Next thing I know they are both off somewhere at the same time…

Earlier that day I had gone to the beach for a music and art festival. I was hoping to see the lead singer that I’ve been into and talking to a little bit…I guess I should give him a name? Uh…Matt? Sure, why not…So I had written him and asked if he was going to be out there, but he hadn’t read the message, so I had no idea if he would be out there. Well, he didn’t end up showing up and I never got a message back from him. Soooo…being hormonal and shit, I started feeling bummed about that. Between thinking about him and Andrew going off with Meg, I started feeling down again.

What happened to girl code? 

Ladies, just because you’re horny and trying to find someone to fuck for the night…don’t just throw girl code out the window. Just don’t.

I confronted her about it, but she says she didn’t do anything and that she wouldn’t do that to me. Idk. I guess I’ll believe her, but I just don’t know. Todd said he saw her hand in his back pocket and he felt like something was up as well.

Meg and I have known each other since birth. She’s all about some attention from guys. She was the girl growing up that I would say something about a boy being cute or having a crush on them, and suddenly she liked him, would start flirting with him, would kiss him, would date him, whatever. And I let it happen because I was insecure and a pansy. Now-I get the attention from the guys she tries to get attention from, and I have zero problems confronting her.

She and I went to see Matt play one night and as we left she said, “Matt gives such good hugs!” And I stopped her right there…I said, “Nope! Nope. Matt is mine, girl. Don’t you even think about it!” haha…she said she knew that and wouldn’t do that, and she’s never even talked to him since then, or anything, so I do trust her with Matt…but as far as Andrew goes? No. She knows he was a hookup and that we aren’t ever going to be in a serious relationship or anything like that. So, really, I have no claim over him, but I can’t help but feel this way about it. Maybe because I want to keep that option open for a hookup? I like the attention and don’t want it to end? I think it’d be super weird? Idk exactly, but…girl code. 

Bitches be trippin’ though…ya know?

I purposefully that night did not dance with our friend she was trying to hookup with. I tried to get him to dance with her. I was very careful to not flirt with him, even if I wanted to. I wanted to be an example of how friends are. I brought this up to her when I kind of questioned her about Andrew. Because I need her to know. I need her to see how we are supposed to treat each other. I need her to see that girl code is a real thing.

Whatever…none of this bullshit matters that much…it’s just thoughts in my head and another way that I have noticed myself transforming…Standing up for myself. Being confident. And instead of throwing it in her face that I have the attention she always took from me, or wanted so very badly, I would try to help her out and not revel in the attention.

I won’t lie…high school me is a bit stoked about it…I let myself enjoy it for a second…because, who wouldn’t? 

Hormones are some fuckers.

Girls who break girl code just because they are horny and craving attention are also some fuckers.

Don’t be that girl.

 

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