I started this blog when I hooked up with this guy “David”…I really liked David. Until the next weekend when I saw him at the bar with his girlfriend. Ouch. That one hurt. It was the first time I ever slept with someone and didn’t use a condom, so I was paranoid for about a month that maybe I was pregnant.
A couple months later-I hooked up with my friend “Andrew”… I also really liked Andrew, but in a different way. He was fascinating…in a psychological way. Andrew is an incredibly manipulative person and possibly a sociopath. Yes, I slept with a sociopath…maybe. Andrew treated me pretty shitty afterward and he even moved away without telling me he was going to. Three months later he moved back and I was a bit mean to him...maybe not really mean, but I treated him differently, and he was surprised by that. Andrew hit on me repeatedly, but I played coy. He got pretty frustrated with that and eventually we just started yelling at each other about random shit. Then we’d make out. A couple weeks ago-I gave in. We hooked up again. It was different this time. No emotional connection-just fucking. We woke up smiling at each other and he bought me breakfast. I think it finally made us not hate each other so much anymore. Hooked up again since then. He’s moving away again for three months…at least he told me this time.
Then there’s…Mack. No idea why Mack is the first name that popped in my head, but I guess that’s what I’ll call him. Mack and I have several good mutual friends. I actually met him at the bar he works at the night I hooked up with Andrew again for the first time. Apparently Andrew was giving him the stink eye all night and Mack almost didn’t ask me for my number. Thankfully Todd walked over to him and they talked about me and he let Mack know that I’m not with Andrew. So I got in Andrew‘s car and headed to his house and I received a text message from Mack and a Facebook friend request. Whoa, homie, slow your roll…
The next day we texted all day long. We said that neither of us were looking for anything serious at the time, but if that happens-great, if it’s just friendship-also great. A couple days later I go over to his house and one thing led to another and we hooked up. And holy shit…I didn’t even know sex could be that good. He made it clear that he’s not interested in more than friendship, so there’s that. He changed the way he texted me/acted towards me. I was ready to just write him off and be done. But that sex, though… After getting used to us just being friends and him gaining some trust back, we started talking some more and he made an effort to actually hang out. So a couple nights ago I stayed the night with him. He is wild. We went at it until 6 am. Then woke up around 10 and did it again. Then woke up at 2 and did it again. Homie wore me the fuck out and I went home (even though he had offered to make me dinner that night), and slept for the rest of the day/night. Apparently he did the same.
At the end of the 3-4 hours of having sex, I was in quite a bit of pain and had to ask him to stop, but I couldn’t really get the words out. He didn’t stop. He thought I was moaning, but I was actually crying…I didn’t even realize I was crying until he did. Once he realized I was crying he stopped and apologized over and over again. I just rolled over, covered my head and sobbed. I was so embarrassed that I was crying and I literally could not stop myself. He went and got me something to drink and asked me if I hate him. I told him it was ok and he told me it wasn’t. He was right…it wasn’t ok and I appreciated him saying that. He offered to go sleep on the couch, but that would be ridiculous. He didn’t realize how much I was hurting and I didn’t ever get the words out to ask him to stop. As soon as he did realize it he immediately stopped and apologized repeatedly. I believe he was sincere.
Hooking up is weird.
I feel a little bit like a whore. And I hate that.
I’m not a whore. I know that. But I don’t necessarily feel too great about these recent hookups. It’s been great sex. Gets better each time with Andrew and is incredible (and a bit exhausting/painful) with Mack. However, the “goal” is to not add any other dudes to my hookup lists. I’d like to wait it out next time around. And maybe actually allow myself to fall in love someone…to do the whole “romance” thing…idk…we’ll see haha.
All I know is-it certainly makes a big difference to have open communication with your hookup buddies.
Be safe, ladies. And don’t let society make you feel like you’re a slut…it’s time for guys and girls to be treated equally.