So a couple of months ago, my best friend, Jane, started seeing a new therapist. This therapist questioned her diagnoses of persistent depression disorder, OCD, and ADHD. He asked her, “what if what’s really going on is autism?” She kind of laughed, but was open to taking an assessment. We talked about it often and laughed and said the therapist just hadn’t gotten to know her yet. Eventually, after studying up some more on the different levels of autism, it kind of made sense, but no one was fully convinced. So she took the assessment and received her results today. Looks like my best friend has “the autism” as she likes the call it.
To be honest…it makes so much sense. She doesn’t like for anyone to touch her, she doesn’t like to show her emotions, she doesn’t connect with people a ton, even though she tries to and wants to…She likes to play this “game” called, “that bitch gonna be our friend,” which is where she says to me, “hey, she’s probably not as horrible as we think, we should be friends with her!” To which I always reply, “no, Jane. I don’t want to do that.” Then we do, of course, and the bitch becomes my friend and not hers. Then I’m stuck with a bitch I didn’t want to be friends with and Jane thinks it’s hilarious.
That sounds really mean of me…I’m “PMDDing” right now, so you’ll have to excuse my frankness.
Finding out that she has this diagnosis helps me to understand her so much more. There have been so many instances where I’ve done something super girly…or nerdy…or whatever, and she’s looked at me with this blank face and literally not said anything or laughed…just stared at me like I was the stupidest person she had ever met. When we first became friends-this bothered me. Eventually I just didn’t give a fuck…I know she loves me and accepts me for who I am, even when we are so very different and don’t connect in some way. One time I said something about a guy and I was just being really girlie and she had no idea what to say, but she made me feel kind of dumb, so I told her she was just going to have to “deal with me being girlie from time to time,” and she said, “that’s fine, you’ll just have to deal with me not knowing how to respond…” haha so we do.
It’s going to be interesting to learn more about this Autism spectrum, level 1 diagnosis…
My friends and I are all just so fucked up…but that’s what bonds us together. We get each other in a weird way that most people do not. Empaths and Sociopaths. Depression. Anxiety. Alcoholism. Sex addiction. PMDD. ADHD. Autism.
We’re all a little bit broken, but we hold each other together.