When Jane was diagnosed with level one Autism, Andrew decided to read her paper she was given from her psychologist explaining the disorder. We went outside with Todd to smoke as he read it out loud to us. He was so frustrated and said, “this is normal. All of this just explains a normal person. This symptom right here-this just explains an asshole. Is that why they took Aspergers out of the DSM…now it’s ASD, which stands for asshole disorder? This is normal. Not knowing how to express emotions/feelings-no one does anymore. No one in our generation does that. This makes no sense at all. All of this is normal. I don’t get it.” I told him several times that these symptoms aren’t actually normal. We may not all like to express our feelings/emotions, but we recognize them and understand how and when to express them. It’s not that difficult to make friends…even for those of us who are shy and can be awkward. We still understand social cues and don’t feel the need to try so hard to be friends with people, or just choose not to be friends with people. He asked me a bunch of questions, but he just kept saying it was normal and he didn’t get it.
He had been fine and suddenly after reading that and getting frustrated over it his body language was different. He had been mimicking all of my movements-to the point it was kind of getting on my nerves-and now he was closed off. He wasn’t laughing or talking very much, either. He also told me for the second time that he was getting ready to move away again-then when going inside Todd and Jane‘s house-he announced it for the first time to everyone.
The Friday before, he and I hung out at a local bar. Earlier that day he had posted on fb, a status that said, “comment your name and I’ll tell you everything I actually think about you. No holding back. I feel like being mean today.” So…several people did it. A couple of our mutual friends did it. It was very interesting. I did not participate, btw. No thank you. We talked about it that night, though, and he asked me if I wanted him to do that. I told him “absolutely not.” He really wanted to and said he’s been saving it up for years now. He was being a bit of an asshole to me and I was PMDDing and getting kind of pissed off. I told him he’s crazy. Like, actually crazy. He didn’t say anything back to that, but I could tell it bothered him, which kind of surprised me.
He also told me that his mother commented on that status. His mother is an addict. She has been in and out of jail most of his life and didn’t treat him well when she was around. So…needless to say, telling her how he truly felt was pretty therapeutic for him. I’m really glad he got the chance to do that, actually. Her only response was to correct him on her age. Nothing else.
Later, after leaving, I realized how early it was in the night and asked him if he wanted to hang out some more. He said he was sick so he really just wanted to go home and get in bed. Before leaving, this was the first time he told me he was moving again.
I tried for a bit to talk him into hanging out and even told him I’d let him tell me how he really feels about me if he would go hang out some more. He refused to go out anymore, but he said he was absolutely going to roast me now. I told him that was only if he went out with me, but that if I do ever let him do that-I was going to return the favor. He tried to talk me into letting him do it and I finally agreed and again told him that I would share what I think. I told him I was actually looking forward to sharing those things with him. Suddenly, he said he decided he wasn’t going to do it. Mother. Fucker. I was in a pretty bad mood, so it was probably for the best. I really couldn’t wait to tell him all about himself, so it was a bit disappointing.
How can you love and hate someone so much at the same time? The night before he left we hung out. I tried to talk him into hanging out some more, but it was already midnight and he needed to get up and drive in the morning. I told him he was being selfish and he called me a bitch. He said, “I spent my final hours with you! Be grateful, you bitch!” lol…I said “Fine…<3”
Andrew asked Jane how you go about taking this test. She told him and said that her’s was covered by her insurance, and when I took my psychological and adhd tests I paid out of pocket, but they let me make payments. He said, “Oh. Ok. If she can do that, I could definitely do that.” I think Andrew is realizing just how fucked up he is and it’s actually bothering him. It would be absolutely incredible if he would go and get psychological testing done. I’m crossing my fingers. Maybe he’ll even go to counseling. I see so much good in this guy…he’s just so fucked up and needs some help.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t be afraid to do what you need to do to figure out what’s going on with you and get the help you actually need. I promise it’s not as scary as it seems, and there are so many people who go to counseling or get assessed and figure out how to get help. It’s far scarier to live with the demons that haunt you daily and not understand what they are, or how to fight them.
Be the change. Fight the mental health stigma. Too many people are afraid to get help simply because the world tells them they’re “crazy” if they do.